Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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