YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
