she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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