the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
