I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
last night I used snow as a chaser
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
