My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
