i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
