I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
