I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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