I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
