why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
