she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
