I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
