I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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