I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
