mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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