My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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