that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
