I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think my moral compass just broke
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
