i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
