you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
