I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize