took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize