Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so let's talk penis.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
