Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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