Do you still have your period?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
