are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
