I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
