I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
