He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
