I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
