She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
