i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
