is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
