We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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