And the cops told us we were all naked.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
