dude i'm inner monologue high
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
