How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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