just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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