Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
