Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
