batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
