I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
