the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
