turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
