Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
