shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
