In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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