I'm lost and stupid without you.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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