There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
