He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize