jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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