i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
