i will never coherently bang her
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
