Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
