I want to walk on stilts...naked
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
