I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
