The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
