is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
