you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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