Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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