i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
