Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
