Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
