your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
