Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
