I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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